Shameful Confession: One Direction

Shameful confession time - I am a rabid Zayn Malik fan which by proxy makes me a rabid One Direction fan. It happened accidentally; after finding out he left the band and seeing all the hysteria surrounding it I wondered what all the fuss was about. All I knew of the band at that point was that they made infectious pop that teen girls everywhere adored and that they were a few dudes led by a dude named Harry.

Needless to say, I get what the fuss was about now. Not only was Zayn, in my humble opinion, the most handsome (like, Oh my God) but he has a great voice suited more for R&B I think that the dizzying pop the group is known for. Hopefully, he continues on solo because a voice like his is interesting enough to want to take heed to; plus, since Craig David, when have we had an ethnic UK crooner hit the US charts? Just sayin...

Fan-girling aside, their music taps into the part of me that is, above all things, optimistic and happy. After a long day, I may drive home from work, windows down playing "Clouds" and dreaming of the day I keep driving past all my troubles, past all my doubts, into a new city, a new life, a new me. I may play "What Makes You Beautiful" while getting ready for a date or when I'm having a quick elevator dance party (what? I'm not the only one who does those, right?).

I don't remember a time in my life where I've felt as confident and as happy as I do now. And it's not anything really specific that's caused it. I'm (finally) off the mood stabilizing meds, which for a time was a hard adjustment to make. I'm at a relatively new job that I do exceedingly well at. But I think what's happened is I decided to be happy.

How odd is that? That you can decide how you'll feel about something? For so long I thought I needed something, an unattainable X factor to make me feel happy. I felt like I needed something outside of myself to motivate and generate warm feelings. Truth is, I have it in me all the time to be jovial and just never tapped into it, thinking that the deeper or sadder feelings were the ones that needed my attention, the ones that needed to be "solved" in a way. But, you feel how you feel for a reason, and sometimes for no reason at all; in the instances where there's no reason at all, why not try to feel differently, think differently? What can you gain, really, by being unhappy all the time?

That's not to say I don't have bad days, sad days, and I-just-wanna-be-mad days. I still do. But I think about why I feel the way I do, and if it's something I can change. If it is, change on. If not, why worry?

Now I know you're wondering "The hell does this have to do with One Direction?" Here's the thing; I hear them, and my inner 16 year-old self jumps up and down and squeals. Their music makes me happy. Raisinettes make me happy. Driving on the highway makes me happy. Trying new things makes me happy. Why deny myself those things? Or why put those things off?

My discovery of their music has just spurned me on, in a way, providing a soundtrack for me to chase down what makes me happy and just immersing myself in it...

Don't judge me, yo.

Xo